


Beyond Any Tower

by little_abyss



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Academia, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Canonical Character Death, Developing Relationship, Epistolary, Flirting, Internet, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pre-Relationship, References to Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 11:54:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12506816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_abyss/pseuds/little_abyss
Summary: Dr Dorian Pavus, Chair of Thaumaturgical Studies at the Minrathous Institute of Technologies contacts Dr Anders, formerly of Kirkwall University with what appears to be a fairly straightforward piece of academic flattery.  The correspondence which follows is anything but straightforward... but vastly more interesting.





	Beyond Any Tower

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ponticle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ponticle/gifts).



TIMESTAMP: 13:24, 09-Jus-9.45

TO: anders@kirkwall.edu.th

FROM: d.pavus@mit.ac.th

SUBJECT: Theoretical Magic article

 

Dear Dr Anders

 

First of all, I would like to extend my congratulations on your recent article in  _ Theoretical Magic  _ (volume 32, issue 3).  My colleague, Dr Lucien Marks, bought it to my attention -- no doubt you are familiar with Dr Marks, as his reputation tends to precede him.

 

I’m going to cut right to the chase.  Your article posits that spirit possession could be utilised to helpful ends in the medicinal fields (p.233, the paragraph which begins  _ Fade research would suggest… _ ).  My own work -- in the temporal-thaumaturgical field, in case you were wondering -- has suggested that there is potential for further research in this area.

 

I was wondering if you were planning to attend the MTIP conference in Minrathous in Harvestmere?  I would be very interested in discussing these ideas further.

 

Sincerely,

Dorian

 

**Dr Dorian Pavus**

BThM (First Cl. Hons), M.ThM, PhD (Deep Temporal), MTIP (L.Assc.)

Chair of Thaumaturgical Studies

Department of Experimental Magic, Minrathous Institute of Technologies

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 13:28, 09-Jus-9.45

TO: d.pavus@mit.ac.th

FROM: maildaemon@kirkwall.edu.th

SUBJECT: Re: Theoretical Magic article

 

The below message could not be delivered because:

address no longer in use.

 

Please check the address and try again.

 

\-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 

 

Dear Dr Anders

 

[...]

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 06:49, 07-Aug-9.45

TO: d.pavus@mit.ac.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Theoretical Magic article

 

Hello, Dr Pavus.

 

Firstly, thank you for your kind email -- I’m sorry that it’s taken so long to get to me.  As you’ve no doubt realised, I’m not at Kirkwall University anymore.  The above address is possibly a better one to use should you want to engage in any correspondence.  However, it is a personal email address (I’m sure you’re shocked), so I’m trusting you a lot on short notice.  Flattery will get you everywhere, I guess.

 

In any case, yes, that’s my position on spirit possession.  I’m strongly of the opinion that spirit possession is fundamentally maligned as a body of research due to political ends.  I’m sure you’re well aware of Orsino and Wynne’s 9:12 studies, and the resulting furore over their funding to continue with the experiments.  Personally, I would like to change that, if I’m able.

 

Unfortunately, I won’t be attending the MTIP conference.  I don’t know how much you’ve heard, but I left KU under a bit of a cloud; aside from that particular controversy, I don’t have the funds to finance it.  But if you’re interested in continuing this discussion, I’m open to that.

 

Best wishes,

Anders

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 13:55, 14-Mat-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: d.pavus@mit.ac.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Theoretical Magic article

ATTACHED: MTIP945_1_Keynote Information.docx, MTIP945_2_Additional Information.docx

 

Oh well, if it’s such a mundane issue as  _ funding _ , then I can assure you, there’s no issue at all.  And if it is professional pariah-ship that you’re concerned about… in a field as small as magic theory, we’ve all had our share of it, surely.  I myself find it rather refreshing.

 

All flippancy aside, I have to confess to rather a thrill at receiving your email.  I am actually one of the organisers of the conference this year.  Would it be out of turn or simply too outre to extend an invitation to you to speak as a keynote?  I know for a fact that your career has been watched with much interest here at MIT; we would consider it rather a coup.  That way we both get at least a little of what we want -- always assuming that you weren’t just being polite in your excuses.

 

In any case, please do write soon to let me know.  I’ve attached a schedule and a document with information that you would need as a keynote, but of course if you have any questions, please do let me know.

 

Sincerely,

Dorian.

 

**Dr Dorian Pavus**

BThM (First Cl. Hons), MThM, PhD (Deep Temporal), MTIP (L.Assc.)

Chair of Thaumaturgical Studies

Department of Experimental Magic, Minrathous Institute of Technologies

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 05:07, 24-Aug-9.45

TO: d.pavus@mit.ac.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re:Re:Re: Theoretical Magic article

 

Dear Dr Pavus,

 

Your offer is very flattering.  Honestly, this email has taken a while to write, as I wasn’t really sure how exactly I should phrase what comes next… which sounds horribly ominous, so I suppose I’ll just get it out and see how that goes...

 

Strictly, it isn’t pariah-ship, as you call it, which bothers me.  It isn’t really the funding either -- it’s taken me a long time to realise it, but as you mentioned, my name carries enough cachet within the discipline that I’m not entirely without friends.  Unlikely friends, some of them.  I mean, I feel confident enough in our relationship that I feel certain that they would help me if I asked them to.  But...

 

To be honest, it’s the way it feels.  I don’t feel confident that I could justify… there’s no other way to put this, but _running_ _away_ to Tevinter.  And I’m not talking about externally justifying it, I mean justifying it to myself.  I know a permanent vacation isn’t what you offered, but the political situation down here is still fraught enough that I feel like… it would be tantamount to abandoning my colleagues, people who were my students, people that are just trying to live their lives.  Even for a short period, that’s untenable to me.  

 

I feel like that needs some explanation.  I’m not in Kirkwall at all any longer; I’ve found other work for the time being, which takes me outside of the ‘ivory tower’ -- I certainly don’t miss it.  By inclination, I am a healer, that’s where my magical ability runs to… but it’s also something that I believe in wholeheartedly.  As much as I love theory, it is useless, I think, without practical application.  You probably already know that I operated a free clinic while I was at KU.  While that was still running, we touched the lives of many of Kirkwall’s refugee and impoverished families; we saw a decline in the infection rate of many of the diseases which were most common at that time.  However, as we never had the ability to treat the root causes of those diseases -- hazardous living conditions, poor diet, little to no state health care coverage, especially for refugees -- we could never eradicate them completely (later, my colleague Dr Sabrae would write extensively about disease among the urban elven population as part of her work  _ Mirror Echoes: Urban Elven Lives in the Early Dragon Age  _ (KUP, 9:39D).  While Merrill is a historian, her work does draw interesting correlations to incidences of the blight and other terminal illnesses amongst elves).  In any case, I believe it’s safe to say that even magic has it’s boundaries of use, especially if it is curtailed by prejudice.

 

So, at the present time, I will decline your offer to speak at the conference.   I wasn’t just ‘being polite’, though I guess that’s the way it will seem.  The time is past where I could easily put my own desires before the needs of other people.  But please do not think that this needs to be an end to our correspondence -- I feel as if we might have a lot to offer each other.  

 

Best wishes,

Anders

  
  


_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 20:59, 26-Mat-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: d.pavus@mit.ac.th

SUBJECT: Re:Re:Re:Re: Theoretical Magic article

  
  


Honestly, I’m not sure what to say.  Oh, please don’t be concerned that I will try and refute your decision on attending the conference -- it is your decision, of course it is, and I will abide by that.  But I will question your reasoning a little, if I might be so bold.

 

I absolutely agree with you on your point that magical theory is all very well, but that it must have a basis in practice.  That is, after all, what the acronym of the conference stands for --  _ Magical Theory in Practice _ .  That’s so obvious as to be virtually pointless describing it; however, you do seem to have missed the point a little.  The entire purpose of the conference is to marry the ideas of theory with the mindset of practice.  There is no point, as you say, in living in the ‘ivory tower’; as much as one is tempted to sometimes, especially in the middle of a Minrathous summer, when the very streets seem to be molten and one feels almost as if one would appreciate a personalised Winter’s Grasp.  But I digress.

 

Having lived in Fereldan last year while I was on sabbatical, and having travelled extensively before that, I hardly need reminding of the political tensions in Thedas.  It is everywhere one looks; has been for some time.  Unlike many of my colleagues, I do not wish for academia to become wreathed in a false neutrality.  But of course, they will bleat about government and private industry funding, as well as publication impact, which they seem to believe will be unobtainable should one become  _ persona non grata _ with the powers that be.

 

As an admirer of academics who foster rather more of an attitude of ‘fuck this’ (please excuse the crudity), I am very much aware of your work with the free clinic, and the work of your colleagues as well.  Trust me when I say that the coterie with which you were aligned during your years at Kirkwall were and are still the subject of much interest here.  Tethras, Hawke, Fenris, Valen, isabela -- prominent names in critical literary theory, in political theory, security studies and feminist theory.  I know that I do not need to quote their exploits back to you -- you, after all, were there.  I merely do not wish you to think me some blushing ingenue.  However, please do not mistake my interest in your attendance at MTIP as a mere grab for notoriety.  I have a vested interest, as I’ve stated, in forcing some of my stuffier colleagues to breathe air which has seen daylight in the last fifty years or so.

 

I do apologise for all this, if it has made you uncomfortable.  I respect your work very much, and of course I would relish the opportunity to engage further -- I too feel that we have much to offer each other.

 

Sincerely,

Dorian.

 

**Dr Dorian Pavus**

BThM (First Cl. Hons), M.ThM, PhD (Deep Temporal), MTIP (L.Assc.)

Chair of Thaumaturgical Studies

Department of Experimental Magic, Minrathous Institute of Technologies

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 12:11, 27-Aug-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: d.pavus@mit.ac.th

SUBJECT: Re:Re:Re:Re: Theoretical Magic article

ATTACHED: Derington et al Latent Fade effects species dominance.pdf

 

By the way, I’m not sure if you’re aware of it, but Dr Helisma Derington, one of my southern colleagues, recently published this work in  _ Et Positis _ .  I thought it would interest you.

 

D.

 

**Dr Dorian Pavus**

BThM (First Cl. Hons), M.ThM, PhD (Deep Temporal), MTIP (L.Assc.)

Chair of Thaumaturgical Studies

Department of Experimental Magic, Minrathous Institute of Technologies

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 03:46, 01-Kin-9.45

TO: d.pavus@mit.ac.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: All those Re’s.

ATTACHED: FEN’S BORING POLITICAL SHIT.pdf

 

Firstly, thank you for the Derington article; I hadn’t seen it yet.  Et Positis is a strange little journal, but it does tend to run some very interesting stuff.  This looks great.

 

Secondly, I felt kinda chagrined after reading your response to my earlier email.  In the spirit (excuse the pun) of exhibiting that, I’ve attached a small piece that Fenris asked me to review -- it’s about exactly what you were talking about in your email, you know, that academia cannot afford to be a haven of neutrality, not if we’re determined to remain relevant.  Ha, I would apologise for the rather quirky file name, but I can still picture his face at the way I re-named it.  

 

I’m not going to change my mind on attending the conference.  I feel like kind of a jerk about it now, but I just can’t.  Even ignoring the all-consuming panic that I feel even thinking about addressing a crowd these days, my earlier excuses stand.

 

However, I would like to ask for some information on something, if I can.  Did you ever know Gereon Alexius?  I know it’s a bit of a random question, but I heard that you two were connected through your department.  Anyway, back when I was working at Kirkwall, he contacted us, wanting to know about an experimental treatment for what’s commonly known as the Blight.  It was called the Carinus Project, and it was abandoned about a year before Alexius contacted us.  When I told him that via email, he called the office, very angry, bewildered really… he yelled at me over the phone, the line crackling… I remember it so well, he sounded really upset.  I only ask coz I heard through a contact that Carinus might be starting up again; an old colleague from my postgrad days at the University of Amaranthine is heading it, though KU isn’t the funding body this time.  If you’re in contact with him, maybe he’d want to know?  I can get him the lead researcher’s details, if he wants to bother her ;)

 

So, thanks for everything.  I really appreciate your honesty, and I totally agree with you about academics who need to “...breathe air which has seen daylight in the last fifty years or so.”  Mind you, if you think that’s bad, you should try private research firms…

 

Best wishes,

Anders

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 21:39, 10-Par-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Fwd: All those Re’s.

 

I do hope you don’t mind, but I forwarded your original email to my personal account -- it might be best to respond to this address going forward.

 

I’ll get to the other matters later, but yes, I did know Gereon Alexius.  He was my mentor, and actually, something of a father figure to me in many ways.  At the risk of rather too much personal information, my father and I have a difficult relationship due to my “personal lifestyle choices” as he’s wont to call them.  In any case, Gereon and Livia (Arida, though I’m certain you already knew that, your areas of research being quite akin to hers) were as parents to me -- their only child, Felix, was like a brother.  

 

It seems strange to be writing this, to still have it hurt so much after all these years.  

 

Anyway, Felix and Livia both contracted the Blight while travelling.  I would rather not go into the circumstances of their contracting the disease -- I will say that while Livia succumbed quite quickly, Felix did not.  Gereon, as was his way, threw everything else aside to research the problem… but his area of research was spatial and temporal thaumaturgy, which last time I checked, wasn’t exactly adept at combating any disease.  He became frustrated with the lack of help available here in Tevinter; as you know, he was soon contacting experimental programs in other parts of Thedas.  

 

Felix suffered for all this -- as his father withdrew from his life as an academic, became fixated on ‘fixing’ Felix’s illness, rather than accepting the finality of the situation as Felix himself had done… well, Felix felt as if his father withdrew from him.  And he did -- I watched it all happen.  And in the end, nothing Gereon did mattered.  Felix died almost three years ago, and it utterly broke Gereon.  We tried to help him, those of us who remained his friends, those of us who, through sheer tenacity, stayed with him.  It was never ascertained whether or not his death was accidental; but in any case, it is one of the greatest regrets of my life, that I could not help him.

 

I’m sorry.  I did say that I would get to the rest of your points.  But I find myself rather exhausted by relating this all to you, so it will have to wait for another time.  I’m sure you’ll understand.

 

D.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 04:21, 11-Kin-9.45

TO: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Fwd: All those Re’s.

 

Dorian, wow… I’m so sorry. 

 

I can’t imagine what that must have been like.  You’re right, I am familiar with Livia Arida, particularly her really excellent work in utilising Veil energies in medical imaging.  But Maker, what a horrible thing to have happen.  I’m so, so sorry.

 

I guess... I’ll await your next email?  I mean, I totally understand if you don’t want to talk about it -- but if you do, I’m here on the other end of the Internet, as intermittent as it is in Hossburg.  We’re actually not that far away, as the crow flies, if you’re in Minrathous.  There’s lots for me to do in the Anderfels though -- it’s like… Maker, there’s not much good to say about it.  Hossburg is really poor, and nationally, there’s basically every kind of human rights violation present.    Masses of corruption in local government, appalling living conditions… no-one seems to give a shit about what goes on up here.  But people are people, as they say, and honestly, after Kirkwall… I mean, it still fucking sucks, but it’s a different kind of suckiness, and I guess that that counts for something.

 

Thank you for sharing all that with me -- as usual, your honesty really is nice.  Refreshing, you know?  And I know that we haven’t known each other that long… well, we don’t really know each other at all.  But… ah, it’s stupid.  Anyway, I’m looking forward to your next email.

 

Best wishes,

Anders

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 21:01, 12-Par-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Just a suggestion...

 

Well, I appreciate your apologies, of course.  And your offer.  And… because I am nothing if not tenacious…

 

I would like to repeat my earlier offer: come to Minrathous.  Share your insights with our colleagues.  You don’t have to be a keynote speaker; you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do.  I have to confess that the offer which was once a purely academic one, born of intellectual curiosity, is now one of personal interest.  It’s been a brief period of correspondence between us… but still I feel as if there’s a strange… something, here.  

 

Ha, and what can I say?  I’m the chair of the department of experimental magic -- testing a hypothesis is something of a speciality of mine. 

 

If you still would rather not, then of course, that’s fine, and this is the last you’ll hear of it.  But think about it, Anders.  Please.

 

Alright, on to other things: Fenris’ writing was  _ devastating _ .  I have always found his work to be particularly motivating -- while I want to argue with it, I have nothing either in my experience or in the body of literature which I’m familiar with which would refute any of the claims which he makes.  I’m sure that you know his work has been banned by the government here for many years… which tells you a lot about the degree of power which they afford his words.  I am rather relieved to see that he seems to have softened his position on magic… but exceedingly happy that he has really only redirected that vitriol into a full-scale attack against the societal ills which plague Tevinter, and more particularly, the inertia of the academic classes.  Tevinter might be my home, but that does not mean that I am completely blind to its faults.

 

There is so much I want to talk to you about.  I find your ideas fascinating, of course… but also your history, your beliefs, everything that makes you… you.  And now, before I feel too utterly self-conscious about this, I believe I’ll just send the thing and leave you to deal with it.

 

D.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 04:51, 17-Kin-9.45

TO: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

Hah, well… Fenris does have that effect on people.

 

Look… it’s not… I mean, I’ve given you my reasons.  And it’s not that… I mean, I want to.   I’ve looked at the conference stuff, of course I would love to come and be part of that.  It looks fascinating.  And all of the things you’ve said, I mean… I’m a little confused that you seem to find me so interesting, but I’m not going to argue with you over it.  Ha… I’m not even going to ask you to explain it… I prefer to just dwell in the mystery. 

 

But... I have responsibilities here.  I’m sorry.

 

A.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 08:51, 20-Par-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Just a suggestion

 

Oh,  _ fuck _ sorry.  

 

I mean… you don’t need to  _ apologise _ , Anders.   I know you have responsibilities -- I’m not trying to tear you away from that, or to tell you that everything you’re striving to fight against means nothing.  If anything, I would give my eyeteeth to be doing fieldwork of the calibre which you’re doing.  I think it’s incredibly important.  Well, as a clarification, no, I wouldn’t give  _ my _ eyeteeth -- that would ruin one of the most beautiful smiles this side of the Minanter.

 

But whatever you like, of course.  I told you that if you said no, then that would be the last of it.  And so it is.

 

Now, as the semester draws to a close and all of a sudden we have faculty clamouring to go on sabbatical over the semester break to do research on whatever their current sphere of interest is, I find myself rather at a loss.  Oh, it’s not that I don’t enjoy research -- I do, absolutely.  But rather hilariously, I cling to the somewhat old fashioned notion of a university being about the business of  _ teaching _ … and so, as all the students begin preparing for their finals and making their plans for whatever they intend to do over the semester break, I find myself… well, it’s rather silly, but rather mourning them.  Not in any grim way, you understand.  But beyond the towers of the university -- beyond all the towers of all the universities everywhere -- life goes on.  Sometimes I forget that beyond research there is life; beyond university, for most people, is the rest of their lives.

 

I never wanted to leave.  I have always loved learning -- but university was the first place in which I felt pushed intellectually, surrounded by my peers.  Learning was an escape, a refuge, a place that I could control how I felt, what happened to me, how others perceived me.  I could become  _ more _ by virtue of my intelligence, rather than who my parents were or anything else that luck had afforded me.  

 

Anyway, enough of that old stuff.  Are you teaching in this mysterious field position of yours?  I feel the same about mystery, up to a point -- I really do prefer to test the boundaries of ‘the real’.

 

Best,

D.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 16:17, 21-Kin-9.45

TO: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

Oh, I see how it is -- you’d happily give someone else’s eyeteeth, would you?  Haha, that’s pretty fucking horrible.  I’m sure it is a beautiful smile though.  I’d like to see it in real life one of these days.

 

You know, teaching was really the only bit that I liked about academia.  Outside of that, what’s the point?  I mean, really?  And I never got all this fuss over teaching undergrads -- those were some of my favourite classes to teach.  

 

But I s’pose… I mean, I know you probably know this at least at an intellectual level, but the education of mages in the ‘south’ isn’t exactly enlightened.  Nothing much has changed.  There’s a new arse on that throne in Val Royeaux, but as long as the Chantry is still harping on the populace about the ‘dangerous mage’... as long as that stereotype is still played out in the media… I don’t fucking know, Dorian.  We’ve got a long way to go yet… and I just don’t see that anyone has any… I mean, there’s just no fucking  _ drive _ , you know?  It’s just...

 

Haha, okay, deep breath.  Before I start writing you a manifesto, I guess that my own education wasn’t exactly conducive to me loving anything about it.  And so I developed kind of a… well, a bit of a ‘fuck this’ attitude, as you said.  But there was one teacher in all of those years, one person who just… believed in me, as corny as that sounds.  And he made me want to try harder, to do better -- he believed in working from within the system to make it better.  Personally now, I believe that that was a thin hope, but… at the time, I really admired it.  I really thought, for a while, that that might work.  When people show you that they believe in you, it’s hard not to believe what they believe.

 

And isn’t that great?  Like, when you get a student who you’re teaching and you watch it just… click?  Like, everything you’re saying seems to be just turning that light bulb brighter and brighter and then… It’s a perfect moment.

 

I really hope you can tell me everything about this MTIP conference.  I’m really looking forward to your email on Solas’ presentation… I hear that guy is kind of an asshole.  Oh, sorry, if you’re friendly with him.  It’s just… you know, a rumour.  I’ve never met him.

 

Gonna sign off here, before I dig myself a deeper hole…

:) Anders

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 16:46, 21-Par-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

Oh, fasta vass.  Just come to the conference already!

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 18:23, 21-Kin-9.45

TO: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

 

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

Hahah, you said you wouldn’t pressure me!    Also, I know what fasta vass means -- you don’t listen to Fenris say it every time you show up in a meeting and not… y’know, figure it out.  :)

 

Go wash your mouth out, naughty boy.

 

A.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 22:02, 21-Kin-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

Well, you have to admit, it was worth a bit of a swear.  Also,  _ wash your mouth out, naughty boy _ could easily be misconstrued, good ser.  My delicate sensibilities in these matters are affronted… affronted that I’m the only one who saw the double entendre in that, at least.

 

Anyway, I’m not pressuring you… it’s against my best interests to have you here under duress, in case you hadn’t realised that.  I’m at the stage where I’d almost consider schlepping to deepest, darkest Hossburg just to lend you my copy of that  _ awful _ William Dart book.  

 

D.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 03:58, 24-Kin-9.45

TO: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

Oh, I saw the double entendre.  I’m just too much of a gentleman to make a big deal of it.

 

Haha, William Dart… oh Maker, is that the one with all that teenage sex in it?  That was a bit too much like reliving my formative years to be anything less than seriously uncomfortable to me… post-orgasm asshole syndrome is a pretty unfortunate trait to share with a fictional character.  

 

What sort of books do you like?  I mean, novels and stuff.  Do you read?  I’ve never really been around people who weren’t readers… oh, Maker, when I ask  _ do you read _ , I mean… of course you read, but I meant, you know, for fun.  Fuck… note to self, stop digging holes.  

 

Ummm… I’m not really a movie person… I find I can’t sit still long enough, they make me antsy.  What sort of music do you like?  I’m not going to judge or anything, but books and music are pretty important… I mean, not so important that if you confess that you’re basically a jazz purist, or that you’ve never read science fiction in your life, then you’re never going to hear from me again or anything.  I would certainly raise my eyebrows at such poor life choices, but… hahah, anyway...

 

Maker, why does this all feel so… natural?  I’ve never even heard your voice, and now I honestly look forward to your emails so much.  It’s weird.  

 

Lucky I like weird.  I hope you like it too.

 

:) A

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 23:18, 24-Par-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

I find myself growing more intrigued with weirdness almost on an hourly basis, actually.  

 

Ha, though I didn’t realise that I’d need to furnish references -- am I not cool enough for you?  I have been told that not even a cereal box is safe from me; I will read virtually anything, sometimes even languages which I don’t fully comprehend.  They do say that immersion is one of the best ways to learn, and if one cannot hear the language spoken (as with Ancient Tevene, for instance), reading can sometimes be a good way to fathom it out.  You must know that there isn’t time for me to read much of what others call ‘for pleasure’... but then, I am such a ‘nerd’ that my work is my pleasure as well.  I find it endlessly fascinating.

 

Oh dear Maker, music.  I had an unfortunate flirtation with house music in my youth… I say _unfortunate_ only because my youth coincided with the rise of that genre, which was quite subcultural for Qarinus, which is where I grew up.  I’m not sure if you’re familiar with it, but ‘clubbing’ has some rather dubious fashion elements… and honestly, the fluorescent mesh is better left to history.  I have to confess to still having a soft spot for the music itself though… nothing takes me back like a good ‘old fashioned’ bass drop.

 

In any case, you have made no allusions to what sort of thing  _ you _ like.  Does there nestle within your heart a burning passion for country and western?  Perhaps you enjoy ‘bodice ripper’ fiction?  Teenage vampires?  Aging punk rockers?  Dubious millionaires who entice neophyte virgins into steamy BDSM romps?   _ Barry Manilow _ ? As you say, one doesn’t judge… 

 

Alright.  One judges a little.  But only because I’m fairly certain you’re imagining me in fluorescent mesh now…

 

D.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 04:18, 25-Kin-9.45

TO: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

Wow… you’re right, that  _ is _ a mental image.  Is it creepy that I had this… need, desire, I don’t know, whatever...to look up your staff photo on the MIT website?  And that I actually did it, in spite of having to wait about half an hour for it to load coz APPARENTLY, in the Anderfels, broadband is something which happens to Other People.  Wow tho’ - you weren’t kidding about the ‘best smile this side of the Minanter’.  

 

Andraste’s knickerweasles… it is creepy.  I’m sorry… I’m gonna leave it in there, coz at least now you’re communicating with an old lech.

 

Anyway, before I go digging myself yet another hole…

 

Good grief, you really are young, if your youth coincided with the rise of house.  Were you even old enough to get into any of the venues?  Haha, Maker, don’t answer that.  Hawke’s little brother used to be into that… I was always more one for guitar-based music, though I have a soft spot for female singer-songwriters.  You know, the lonely-looking-waif-with-guitar type thing.  Definitely not Barry Manilow… nothing against the guy, I’m just not into it.  But, speaking of Barry's (Barries? Barrys?  What the fuck is the plural of Barry?), an old girlfriend of mine really thought that having sex while Barry White was playing was just like, the epitome of sexy… we tried it once, just to, you know, have the experience… it was really hard not to laugh the whole time.  And oh boy, I can’t seem to stop confessing all this doofy shit… haha.

 

Uh, okay, books.  Like you, I don’t have much time for reading ‘for pleasure’, but I try to make time.  As much as I love my work, I’m really aware that I have a tendency to become consumed by it, so I have to be careful not to let that happen.  Actually, I have a tendency to get really ‘into’ whatever it is that I’m doing at the time… Consumed is kind of the right word, coz once I’m out of that, I feel like I’ve been chewed up and spit out again.  But I’m working on it… trying to do better by myself, you know?  It sounds kind of trite, but…

 

Haha, anyway… I hope you’re not kidding about the weirdness thing.  The older I get, the weirder I get, I think.  I’m okay with it though -- okay with being the ‘crazy cat person in apartment 5B’.  I need a few more cats to make that happen, I guess… I only have one at the moment.  Better get collecting!

 

:) A.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 09:54, 25-Par-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

It’s not creepy.  Well, it might be for other people, but I rather like the idea of you looking at my staff picture, imagining me in mesh.  Or vinyl.  Or… nothing at all.

 

And  _ now _ who is the lech?  Hahah.

 

I’m sorry that this email is short -- we have a planning meeting for the conference in half an hour, but I wanted to throw you an email before I left.  Finals are in full swing now, so we only have a six-week window to make sure that everything is in place.  Not that that’s an issue at all… it’s just small details still to arrange.  Still, in my opinion, small details are actually what make an event… you can have the best keynotes, the most insightful sessions, the most luxurious venue… but if the wifi shits itself, or the food is sub-par, that’s what people will remember.

 

Ugh.  This meeting is two hours long.  Pray for me.  (I’ll write again later)

D.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 22:42, 25-Par-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT:  IT’S FINE, I’M FINE.

 

Hahah, well that’s a bloody dramatic subject line, but I do rather feel compelled toward hysteria.  

 

The meeting was an utter disaster.  Well, no actually, the meeting was quasi-rational, which is all you can really hope for in Tevene academic circles.  Privately everyone wants to murder you and take your tenure, but at least we’re all aware of the hatred we have for each other… and there was no open hostility today, so there’s that, I suppose.

 

The real disaster was that one of our keynotes has pulled out.  Utterly annoying… and of course, after all the programmes and bits and bobs have been finalised with the printer.  But it’s fine, I’m sure we can find someone else.  This place is practically crawling with self-aggrandizing blowhards, they’ll be fighting in the streets for the keynote gig as soon as they get wind of it, I’m sure.

 

Ugh.  I’m sorry!  I did mean to do a little bit more of that very pleasant long distance flirting… well, pleasant up to a point, but rather frustrating after that.  Ha… well, flirting is one thing, but I suppose this girlfriend wouldn’t be very happy with you, would she?  

 

I do know what you mean about the whole feeling of being ‘consumed’ thing.  I rather like it… but then, I’ve never had a problem with turning off my professional life.  And I keep my private life quite private… it doesn’t really do to do otherwise here.  Ahh, Tevene politics… always so enlightened.

 

Oh well -- off to bed.  One needs one's beauty rest, after all.

D.

x

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 10:25, 29-Par-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: [no subject]

 

Uh, I believe I might have made you feel weird about the little x at the end of my last email?  It was a reflex -- my apologies if you’re not sure how to respond to it.  I suppose sometimes honesty just slips out.

 

D.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 10:54, 01-Har-9.45

TO: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just a suggestion…

 

Don’t worry, I’m praying… not that Andraste’s ever seen fit to answer anything I’ve ever asked of her, but if it makes you feel better…

 

:) A.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 11:27, 01-Har-9.45

TO: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT:  Re: IT’S FINE, I’M FINE.

  
  


Hey, hey -- I’m really sorry I took so long to get back to your emails!  We’ve been absolutely mobbed; this time of year in the Anderfels, when the seasons change, that’s a really bad time of year for ‘flu.  Heaps of our staff have been down with it as well, which means that everyone’s been pulling double shifts, and I’ve just been kind of exhausted.

 

Which means that I’m sick too, haha.  Well, I’m recovering now -- no more fever or shivering, thank goodness, and just a bit snotty and headachey.  Which are all very charming mental images, but everyone always says I’m a charmer, so I guess now you get to experience it first hand.

 

So, I don’t know if this is just the phenylephrine talking, but… I mean, if it works for you, and you’re still looking, I could be your keynote?  I know I said no before, but… I don’t know, the head of my program and I got talking the other day, and she needs me to take time off.  This is probably not what she had in mind, but I don’t feel right not working in some capacity…  plus, I’d love to meet you.  Of course, if you’ve already found a blowhard to fill that space, then that’s totally fine.

 

And… on that note, no, you didn’t make me feel weird.  I liked it -- I’ve always liked your honesty.  Honesty and I have a bit of an ‘on again, off again’ thing… it’s not something that I’ve always been in a place to build into my life… which is a long-winded way of saying, in the past, I haven’t exactly told the truth all the time.  But I’m telling the truth when I say that I did like that little x in your last email… I’m telling the truth when I say that I’d love to meet you… and when I tell you there’s no girlfriend.  Or boyfriend.  Nobody but work at the moment, and I gotta say, you’re a lot more fun to think about in mesh.  Or vinyl.  Or… nothing at all.

 

Maker, how in the void did this happen?  Haha, kind of crazy.  It’s good though… or at least I think so.  I can reel it in though, if the long distance flirting thing isn’t working for you.

 

x A.

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 13:11, 01-Fru-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th  

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT:  Re: Re: IT’S FINE, I’M FINE.

 

It’s working for me.  Frustrating, as I say… but it’s working.  Maker help us.

 

I gratefully accept your offer, even if it was made in a drug-induced haze.  And I’ll hold you to it, as well… even if I do feel slightly morally dubious about it.  If I purchase the tickets quickly… rip the bandaid off, so to speak… then you theoretically at least won’t be able to back out.

 

Haha… and here’s another thing to feel morally dubious about… would you like to stay with me when you’re here?  My place is unfortunately small, and absolutely full of books… but it’s comfortable.  You can have the bed or the sofa, and company or not in either as you like.  Absolutely no pressure to say anything; there’s plenty of funding, so we can easily put you up in a nice place for the duration if you’re not comfortable.  

 

I don’t want you to ‘reel it in’.  If anything, I want you to reel it out… I tried very hard to extend this fishing metaphor, but honestly all I can think of are stupid double entendres about the size of your rod, and I feel that’s beneath us both.  And… just so you know, your own little x was very much appreciated.  

D.

x

 

_______________________

 

TIMESTAMP: 19:21, 02-Har-9.45

TO: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th 

FROM: toebeans@jmail.net.th 

SUBJECT:  Re: Re: Re: IT’S FINE, I’M FINE.

 

Oh Maker, okay, this is really happening, isn’t it?  I can’t stop grinning.  I don’t think I’ve felt this thrilled about anything in years… or as absolutely fucking terrified.  Work is on-board, they’re actually really chuffed as it’ll highlight the programmes we’ve got going here… Maker, I feel like I’m going to be sick.  In a good way, if that’s a thing.

 

I’d love to stay with you, if you’re okay with that.  I can get a hotel if you change your mind… I can’t usually sleep on sofas, and I’m not gonna kick you out of your bed.  Which I guess leaves one option, if you really are okay with me staying.  

 

Andraste’s knickerweasles, I can’t… I can’t believe we’re doing this.  It feels so dumb, in all the right ways.  If that’s a thing.  Oh Maker, I repeated that… I don’t know what a ‘thing’ is any more… But...

 

Dorian, if… if this doesn’t work, or… or if it makes you feel weird, you’ll talk to me about it?  Please?  I love your honesty, and… I mean, for someone I’ve never met in real life, I feel really… I’m really invested in the idea of you, in the idea of you being happy.  I’m very into you.

 

I can’t wait to meet you.  I feel like I already know you so well.

 

x A

 

_______________________

  
  


TIMESTAMP: 10:21, 03-Fru-9.45

TO: toebeans@jmail.net.th

FROM: rather_dashing@jmail.net.th

SUBJECT: Fwd: Info to plan your trip to Minrathous -- Booking Ref: QWE739

ATTACHED: UniversalAir_BookingRef_QWE739.pdf

 

There.  Enough thinking, enough wringing of hands.  I’ll see you on the 17th; that’s fourteen days away. I’ll even meet you at the airport.  And of course, I am thrilled that you’re thrilled, and relieved that you, too, are terrified.

 

And for the record, I’m very into you too.

 

Can’t wait - Fourteen days has never seemed like such an age.

D x

 

_______________________

  
  


The time passes; the leaves turn golden and red in Hossburg as they do in Minrathous.  The wind changes.  The first flurries of snow are seen in the foothills of the Anderfels; the port cities of Tevinter are buffeted by their first storms.  

The morning of the seventeenth sees Dorian dash into the rain, a file of papers held over his head.  He hastily unlocks the vehicle and gets behind the wheel, taking a moment to shake the water off the file and glance into the rear-view mirror.  

They had continued to email each other, he and Anders, over the fourteen days which they’d had to wait.  It was always fascinating, their exchange.  It had comprised such surprising elements -- flirtation, debate and observation, social commentary, and the tentative testing of the boundaries of this… this… whatever it was which had blossomed between them.  

Dorian catches the expression on his face in the mirror and his sentimental smile turns wry with amusement at himself.  He turns the key in the ignition and backs out of the carpark, turning toward the airport.

 

He watches the planes arriving and departing, their wings canting in the strong wind.  He wills himself not to look at the arrivals board again.  Anders’ plane -- if, indeed, Anders had gotten on it, if, indeed a million other tiny incidences had not occurred to prevent all this -- was delayed half an hour.   _ On top of fourteen days, _ Dorian thinks,  _ this should be nothing _ .  He walks the airport; people-watches in a cafe, checks his email, both work and home, surfs social media.  Finally, he can bear it no longer and sees that while he has been idle, Anders’ plane has landed.  Something in his chest leaps, and he almost laughs aloud as he recognises it for nervous eagerness.   _ He might be awful, _ he reminds himself,  _ don’t be so star-struck.  It’s pathetic.   _

So he makes his way to the baggage claim, as slowly as he can.  More delays.  People begin to drift through the automatic doors from customs; a flight from Antiva City has landed as well.  Annoyed with himself after the fifth time he has felt the slide of disappointment in his guts when someone walking through them turns out not to be Anders, he moves so that he can no longer see the doors.  Rounding a pillar, he stares morosely at a car-rental shop, trying to make anagrams of the names of the cars.  Shifting slightly, he leans on the pillar, idly half-listening to two Antivan tourists bickering loudly.  The woman seems to give up suddenly, marching toward the carosels; Dorian watches her depart and his eye is arrested by a tall man, his hands thrust nervously into his coat pockets, shoulders hunched, walking slowly in his direction.  And suddenly, there is no air in his lungs, he catches his bottom lip between his teeth; the man continues to walk, scanning from left to right, obviously looking for someone.  

 

And then, their eyes meet, and the man stops in his tracks.  His mouth opens a little, and his expression changes, softening into a small smile, then he closes his mouth and swallows.  Dorian feels almost as if he is caught in time; he returns the smile slowly.  Quite deliberately, he pushes himself off the pillar and stands, then walks toward Anders.

Anders does not move until Dorian is standing right in front of him.  Then, he takes a long, shuddering breath and says, very quietly, “Hi.”

 

Dorian grins and gusts out a nervous laugh.  “Oh,  _ please _ ,” he says, “We can do better than that.”

Anders laughs shakily and pulls his hands out of his pockets, stepping forward, his hands outstretched.  Dorian moves forward at the same moment, and then they are embracing, their bodies together as if it is the most natural thing, the most perfect thing, as if they were made for each other.  Dorian laughs again into Anders’ chest, hears the rapid-fire thud of Anders’ heartbeat, the muffled sound of a sniff and then another small laugh.  Anders’ hands press him gently, one between his shoulders, the other in the small of his back, and Dorian sighs.  

Quiet for a moment between them, the airport around them moving, jostling, constantly pitching -- but this is their own island of silence, perfect and serene.  Each of them relishes it in their own way for a moment longer, then Anders pulls back.

“Maker, it’s good to see you,” he laughs.  “I just… I can’t believe it, Dorian.  We’re here.  Together.”

Dorian looks up at him and smiles.  “Together,” he says, “It’s so unlikely, it simply has to be true.”  They watch each other for a moment longer, then Dorian laughs.  “Welcome to Minrathous, Doctor Anders.  I hope you’ll enjoy your stay.”

Anders chuckles.  As he releases Dorian, he moves to one side and grasps his hand; as if they had been doing it for years.  Dorian’s heart leaps and he looks at Anders, watching him carefully.  “Is this alright?” he murmurs, and Dorian nods, momentarily awe-struck, then clears his throat.

“Let’s get your bag,” he says quietly, and squeezes Anders’ hand gently.  “There’s so much I want to show you.”

Anders smiles gently, lowering his eyes briefly, then raises them once again to Dorian’s face.  “There’s so much I want to see,” he says, and sighs happily.  Together, they walk toward the carousels of luggage and the swarms of anonymous faces; they stand on the edge of the crowd, both watching intently, their hands clasped, hearts thudding, open and alive, each to the touch of the other.

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many thanks to Aurlana, who beta'd to gauge ponticle's reaction, and to un-shit-yourself, who beta'd to assuage my concerns about Anders' voice in this piece. You're both radiant stars in the murky firmament of the Interwebs, and extremely dear to me.
> 
> Much gratitude also to the organisers of the Black Emporium Exchange; it's been a blast.


End file.
